What the future holds

Nobody knows what the future has in store for us. We can only dream about it. And that is scarily beautiful..

But what’s so wrong about living in the now. Forget about tomorrow. What do you want to do today?!

Ok, yes I’ve been “freaking” about my future.. What’s going to happen with my boyfriend? Will we get married/have kids? If so, when?
But I’ve came to a conclusion, I shouldn’t focus my future on a relationship, instead I should focus on other achievements. This year I went abroad for the first time, I overcame a big fear (planes) and achived one of my life goals! I sat out on the balcony in Turkey at 5:30 am and cried because for the first time I felt I was on the right path, I was exactly where I was supposed to be, my life seemed to make sense. I’ve never cried like that before, so open and honest.

This has boasted my confidence up so much. I feel that I can achieve and overcome anything if I truly want to. That said. I have been thinking about applying for an online Journalism course and have found one via London school of Journaliam. I will get a diplomia in a subject that appeals to me. What do you my amazing followers think. Need your opinions 🙂

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From a photoshoot in Turkey

Michaela, xo

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Suffication

LatÄșey I’ve been feeling a huge sense of pressure to start my future.

Questions like “when are you getting/ do you want to get married/ have kids?” really throws me off. I smile and say “yes”. It is the truth. I am an infertile woman and I’ve been told IVF will need to be done by the time I am 29, 7 years from now.

When i imaged starting a family I had plans to be married first and maybe wait till we are both 35. I feel like my clock is ticking. Im 22, I shouldnt have to hear my body clock yet! It’s a very scary and lonely thing to go through even with a partner. Can any one else relate?

Aside

Balance

Ever noticed life is just one messed up balancing act? Today has been a busy, emotional day. It’s got me thinking.about how many people I’m trying to be. 1) An employee with too much stress to handle. 2) A girlfriend dealing with realtionship issues. 3) A friend who’s trying to keep in the loop. 4) A daughter (etc) that’s trying to do right. 5) A woman learning who she is and how she wants to live. Is it any wonder I can’t sleep? Is it any wonder I’m stressed….

Baggage

We all have baggage, something that makes us “un lovable”. Some of us admit what our baggage is, and with pride realise it’s just part of who we are. Others hide it with shame.

I was having shall we say, a discussion with my partner about baggage. He so kindly pointed out my “flaws.” He pointed out how my past makes me fearful of bumping into anyone of my exes and how I don’t trust anymore.

What my partner fails to understand is that, although I lack in trust, I love unconditionally. I walk with my head held high because I have earned it. I respect and cherish the people in my life because they’re the ones who saved me. My self-esteem may be low but I walk and talk like the most confident woman in the world because I am a survivor. I appreciate everything beacuse I came from nothing. Now tell me how my baggage weighs me down I feel light as air..

Life lessons.

Since I turned 21 (all of 3 months ago, haha!), I’ve realised a LOT of things I wish I knew when I was 16.

 

1) No matter how old I am, I will always need my parents – I have found new respect, gratitude and love for both of my parents.  They will always be there for me and I have to understand I am forever their little girl, and I’m okay with that!

2) Family and friends are THE most important things – not work, money etc.

3) Loving someone is the most scary YET amazing thing a human can experience – When I was 16, I was afraid to fall in love, I had been hurt by many men and felt falling in love was a sign of my weakness. Now I tell my partner of three years that I love him and that he’s my soul mate. I’m so glad I know what love really is now..

4) Be proud – 5 years ago I would have never imaged I could do all the things I have done, I passed college, I am holding down a job, I am filled with self confidence, I have gone to new places, done new things, I have battled depression (on-going…). I am truly proud of myself for the first time in my life. I need no one else’s approval, I am me without ANY apologies or regrets!

 

Aside

Social media. It can be great. Or it can lead to trouble… I woke up this morning and checked facebook on my phone (joy of technology) to discover my abbusive ex had added me. This made me shake and feel sick. A few months ago I decided to confront my ex (via facebook) to help accept the abuse I suffered and get closer etc. It was helping until his current partner emailed me with all this hate. I decided to tell my ex to block me as I felt I was doing more damage than good. I hav no idea how I’m going to deal with this but know the best *revenege* is nothing… Let him see he hasn’t ruined my day/life. Thanks for reading x

Girls, Girls, Girls.

I am getting so tierd of seeing girls dressing and acting like they have no respect for themselves, like they are advertising a whore house. I think confidence is sexy and think every girl should love who they are, but do they really need to walk around half-naked even in winter, the only thing you’re going to get from that is a cold or an STI!

Trust me, wearing nice fitting clothes that show off your curves and only a bit of skin = sexy and classy, wearing clothes that show of every bit of skin = desperate and insecure which is not attractive. I feel that mystery also attracts people to you and  showing off all your body isn’t very mysterious now is it?

I am confident enough to wear clothes that hug my curvy figure but not show too much flesh and  still feel and know I look good ! ….Just sayin’….