Dedicated to my Ex

It’s been over 2 years now but the wounds still feel fresh.

When I first met you I was attracted to you, you looked so wrong for me. You were funny and seemed to care about me. I now know that was all a lie.

I used to be so sweet, innocent, I always saw the good in everyone and it was impossible for me to hate anyone. You proved that people do have evil in them.   

You knew me better than I knew myself, you used my shyness, my politeness and my school girl crush on you  to control my emotions, make me submissive, I thought you did this because you liked me God, I was so naive!

You made me feel so guilty for being shy around you, like it offended you so much I owed you sex, I can’t believe that worked on me. You emotionally hurt me, made me fear you, controlled me, told me how to feel, used me, physically hurt me, I couldn’t tell anyone as I was ashamed that I let you do this to me. All this fear, guilt and ashamed caused me to self harm, I was only 17 going through this alone, no one to confined in, I should have walked away but I couldn’t, you were my obsession, my addiction.

I’m so glad you’re out of my life now. The pain is still there and I feel broken inside, unable to trust any man, unable to let anyone get close to me due to fear they will do what you did to me. But let me tell you this my friend…you are nothing but an insecure, pathetic, cheating little boy and one day you will get what you deserve, maybe not from me, but from someone who won’t take your bullshit like I did.

I do have to thank you though, because, wow, you have turned me into a much stronger, wiser person, you tried to break me but I came out better than you will ever be. I have learnt so much like; how to spot a control freak, how independent and strong I am and what love shouldn’t be like. So thanks Mr.S, because I’m the one laughing now!!!!

P.s I went to so many counselling sessions, but couldn’t fully open up to them, I couldn’t do it face to face, so this has been my way of opening up without having to face anyone.

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